What to read when you’re feeling down

Office view on a rainy afternoon. No, I didn’t get much work done that day.

My writing, of course. If you expected something else, you clearly haven’t been paying attention.

Shameless self-promotion aside, I picked 3 snippets I have written at various points in my life that I think can help lift up your mood. None of this is sugarcoating or putting a positive spin on things – I don’t do that shit. For each snippet, I will give a bit of context, quote the snippet in full, then explain a bit why I chose it. Feel free to read through and bookmark this post, just in case you may need it later.

#1: The darkest night

Context: I wrote this to document a particularly harrowing experience I had when studying for my Bachelor’s degree in Melbourne in 2015.

“Fuck. Is it morning already?”

I checked the clock. It was 1 AM. The alarm didn’t wake me, the fever did.

I lay on the bed for a few minutes waiting for my senses to come. There was the student club sponsor’s email that needed replying. There was the club event that needed planning. There was the Ancient Roman history essay that needed researching. There was the public policy paper that needed writing. There was a broken heart that needed mending. There was the fever that needed subduing.

The world had come rushing in. The weight – on my mind, heart and body – was enormous.

I narrowed my vision down.

Let’s just try to sit up. See? That wasn’t so hard.

Now, put one foot down the floor. That wasn’t so hard either.

Now, the other foot. We are making progress.

Grab the cup, make some tea first. Ah, the warmth is invigorating.

Have some medication. I feel better now already.

Turn the computer up. Let’s get started.

Reply the sponsor email. Fuck, this requires thinking. Okay, let’s just start with the greetings, and we go from there. Alright, now I can finish the email. No need to be verbose. Just keep it short.

Now onto the club event. Let’s make sure it’s ready to roll. As long as we secure the venue we are good. Shit, the tea is getting cold. Hold on club event, I need to make a new cup.

Analyse some historical sources. Fuck, this Augustus is a badass. But he exiled his own daughter until she died? What the fuck?

Analyse some historical sources. Fuck, this Augustus is a badass. But he exiled his own daughter until she died? What the fuck?

Bit by bit, I trudged on until I finished the most urgent tasks. I wasn’t at my best, but it wasn’t my best that was available that night. Whatever I was, that would have to suffice. Duty called, and I answered to the best of my abilities.

Fuck the public policy paper though. I was too fucked to work on that. It will have to wait. A few hours later, I could take it no more, so I went to bed and fell asleep almost instantly after.

That was, without a doubt, the most difficult night of my life so far. And I am grateful to have lived it.

Duy Truong, Ten years, in ten moments (2018)

Why it is here: Through this, I came to understand how to conquer a seemingly inconquerable challenge: Split it into small tasks and focus on completing each individual task before thinking about and moving on to the next one. Whenever I encounter a formidable obstacle, I would recall this memory and tell myself that if I survived that terrible, terrible night in Melbourne, I will survive this as well. This reasoning has worked for me so far, and I encourage you to do the same: recall the worst experience you’ve endured, and be assured that as you successfully got through that, you will be able to get through whatever problem you are facing right now.

You may ask what if I face a problem that’s bigger than that night in Melbourne? Good question. In that case, I shall survive it and make it the new “that night in Melbourne.” Ya feel me?

#2: The first rejection

Context: I was doing a challenge where I wrote every day for 30 consecutive days. This is the prompt for Day 10.

Day 10/30: Sit down and write for 15 minutes. Post it here without editing.

Alright here goes:

So I got my first rejection today. My grant application was unsuccessful. They didn’t specify the reason, which is the norm. Understandably, I feel bad about it. I mean, other folks and I spent hours on this application and we were going to do some real good with the money. Alas, that’s a shame.

But I also understand that you can’t win them all. At some point in time, one of my applications will be rejected. It is an inevitability. So I might as well go through it this early on. Gotta have a taste of setback, you know. I have been rejected for quite a few times in other capacities already but still, this leaves a faint sting.

What is important, in my opinion, is not letting this one minor hiccup affect the big picture.

I believe I micro failed but macro won. Why? Because I can learn lessons that will prove valuable in the long run. I will need to do a close review of what I submitted, to ascertain whether I have given it my very best and if not, what I can do to improve. This will contribute to future successes and there will be a time when I look back and say, it’s thanks to this rejected application that I have succeeded in this one. Also, there will be many more rejection emails, and I will have to get used to it. I will have done my very best and still not succeeded but that’s okay. After all, it’s part of life.

I will not allow a small hitch to hinder my way forward. The only thing it will do is strengthen my resolve to get better.

All I can do now is bear this mildly unpleasant feeling, trudge ahead and try harder next time. For the best is yet to become.

I still have 2 minutes 30 seconds so I’ll add a small bit: I spoke briefly in front of a crowd last night for the first time in God knows how long and as expected, I mucked up a bit. But that’s alright. Next time, I’ll definitely be better.

Adios.

Duy Truong, 30-day Writing Challenge #2: Compilation (2017)

Why it is here: This shows my thoughts when I suffered a disappointment in my career. I hope you can steer your thinking along the same line. Nobody likes failing, but we at least can make something out of it. In the long term, we will do well despite the setback (sometimes we will do well because of the setback). There will be other battles and other wars, time is better spent on sharpening the sword rather than lamenting the past.

#3: When I was still spittin’ them rhymes

Context: I wrote this piece about 10 years ago when I was still into writing long verses of prose:

(To all who have been feeling down and blue and tired with life)

It’s pointless to ask, but why the hell am I still here,
Trying in vain to kill fear when the end is real near?
It’s been a few years, since the last time I feel this lost
Never really expected the fight to be this hot
They are waiting to snap, all these threads I’m holding
You can start mourning, my cursed fate is now unfolding
Wanted to fix it, but I’m just wholly powerless
What’s consuming me is not vanity, but mere cowardice
Seems like I am the only one who drifted from reality
Life’s nothing but phony, even I am so mad at me
What could I do, when the odds aren’t in my favor
In this hunger game, when luck becomes my traitor?
A complete failure, I got nothing to be proud of
What I’ve been shoving down my throat is wild hope
Now I ran out of Gods to pray, only had myself left to brace
There is no sight of tomorrow, just hope I survive today.

So I spent a long night, of the practical soul
Can’t make ‘e wrong right, fell through a black little hole
Landed on a cracked crystal throne, golden crown fixed on my head
On top of the world, alone, not a tear I shed
If fate betrays me, then I may as well screw it
In this battle I’ll make sure destiny loses
Get up, there is no time for regret, keep strolling
Fed up? You’re in a game without reset, keep rolling
Those bald kids taking chemo, they are the real heroes
I must be a coward to just sit here and emo
Retreat? That word ain’t in my lexicon
Defeat? Accept that and I’ll never be forgiven
The only thing I can give up on, is giving up
Even Torres can score, why shouldn’t I be cheering up?
Keep calm and carry on, all I need is a deep breath
For in the end, the only thing certain in life is death.

The path has been cleared, there’s nothing I may doubt
Failure is the way down, success in my only way out
Ready to say ‘Wow!’, when you witness this comeback
As the Dark Lord rises from wrack, prepare to be frightened
I’m stronger than a lion, swifter than a lycan
Touch me not, unless you wanna taste wrath of the titan
You throw me bricks, that’s good, I’mma build a bridge
leading to success, on this quest I’ll never ditch
Feel free to knock me down, I’ll bounce back, like a rocking doll
Smirk flickering on my face, filled with mocking tone
Talk too much, now I’m thirsty, pass me lemons to make some lime juice
This fight’s gonna hurt me, but I wouldn’t care less about some damn bruise
You don’t believe this, but I constantly break through my limits
Each minute I see the present as a free gift and don’t hesitate to seize it
I know God has great plans for me, but so do I
And I ain’t just gonna sit here and miss this chance to shine.

Duy Truong, Midnight Monologue (2012)

Why it is here: This was supposed to be a motivational piece I wrote for myself and for future reading, but I think it can help you as well. Also, my rhymes, wordplays and references were pretty slick back then (I think). Some of it may feel silly and over-the-top optimistic, but that’s 2012 me for you.

That’s it folks. Hope this helps.

Ciao.